


It Was Always Marie

by NephilimEQ



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Rogan, What Should Have Been, X-Men: Days of Future Past Fix-it, X-Men: Days of Future Past Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 17:06:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10223072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NephilimEQ/pseuds/NephilimEQ
Summary: A re-write of X-Men: Days of Future Past to explain why our beloved pairing wasn't together in the movie."I’m carrying her in my arms, away from the attack.  I don’t look down to see her wounds; I know that they are bad.  Life threatening, even.  I can save her when we get back to the hidden safe house..."





	1. Chapter 1

****

Mariko approaches me, saying, “You don’t sleep very well.  You call out in the night…”

I wait for her to say Jean’s name, I know that it’s coming, I know that my secret will be revealed, I know that any second now--

"Who’s Marie?”

I don’t know what to say.  How…?  How is it possible that I am saying _her_ name when Jean is the only one that I ever see in my nightmares?  Seeing her over and over again, taunting me with the fact that I hadn’t been able to save her, that _I_ was the one that killed her.

How is Rogue’s name slipping off my lips in the night instead of Jean’s?  I want to ask her…but I don’t.

“We should go back.  It’s rain coming.”

I follow her back.

\--

I roll over in the bed, expecting to see Mariko, but instead my hallucination lies next to me in the bed.

“This isn’t going to end well,” the illusion-Jean says to me.  “Everyone you love dies.”

Damn my hallucination.  I hate the fact that she’s right, as usual.  It’s the reason that I had never let Rogue get too close.  I know of her feelings for me, and I _more_ than return them, but she is the only one that I can’t ever risk losing.

I would risk _every_ one else…except for her.

Everyone I have ever loved has died.

Except for her.

I will let Marie go to live her life without me, so long as she is happy.  Even if it meant being happy with _out_ me.  That is how I know that for the first time in my immensely long life that I am actually in love.  I am willing to let her be happy, even if it’s without me.

And it kills me.

\--

Again, Mariko asks, “Who’s Marie?  Is she like you?  What happened to her?”

I don’t know what to say at first, but then I finally reply, “I met her.”  So long ago.  “I almost killed her.”  The look in her eyes.  “I saved her.”  I was almost too late both times.  “I fell in love with her.”  First time I’ve ever said it out loud.  “I had to leave her behind.”  Because I love her too much.

Mariko says nothing.

I don’t expect her to say anything.

It’s hard to compete with a woman who is still alive, even if she _is_ over a thousand miles away.  And I know, somehow, that I’ll go back to her.  In the end, no matter what women might share my bed, I will always go back to her.

Marie deserves someone better than me, and maybe she’ll find it one day and forget about her feelings towards me and be happy, and, somehow, have the one thing that I can never give her.  A family.  But until that day, I will always be her Wolverine and she will be my Rogue.

My Marie.

Even as Mariko tucks herself into my side, running a hand reassuringly over my chest, her silky black hair slipping over my shoulder, all I can think of is fingers covered in dark brown gloves interlacing with mine and thick, auburn hair with white streaks tangled and bunched under my chin.

God, I miss her.

\--

I’m at the airport when it happens.  Magneto has his powers back…and, to top it off, the Professor’s alive.

I’m still wrapping my head around that one.

But when they tell me what’s going on and that Trask Industries is behind it all, I know that I have to do something about it.  And then they tell me that they want Rogue to be my partner.  I try not to appear too pleased with their suggestion, but I can tell from the look that Chuck gives me that he knows how I feel about it.

We arrive at the new headquarters, an out of the way place in the middle of the English countryside, and step out of the car in front of a mansion that makes the previous one look like a tinker toy.

And then I see her.

It’s been a couple of years and she looks…great.

“Logan.”

It’s all she says, but I can hear everything in the way that she says my name.  Her arms go around my neck and I am suddenly overwhelmed with the smell of Marie.  God, she smells amazing.  And, even better, it’s the _only_ thing I can smell.  Not a single man has touched her in a _long_ time, and I can feel my inner Wolverine growl in contentment.

“Marie…”

She pulls back and I get a better look.

She’s wearing a dark red plaid button-up tucked into a pair of worn-out jeans along with short, brown leather driving gloves and boots.  Her hair is loose and her eyes are bright.  God, it’s like she’s stepped right out of one of my mental fantasies that I’ve so successfully kept hidden over the years.

“Good to see you,” I add, consciously not adding on my usual endearment of ‘kid’, knowing that she would shred me a new one if I did. Besides, it’s pretty obvious to me that she’s no longer a kid from the way that her hips fill out her jeans and the way that the shirt clings to her curves.

“You, too, Logan.”

She reaches out and runs her fingers through my hair, a gesture that takes me completely off guard with its intimacy, and she smiles.

“Your hair’s longer.”  I nod. Her fingers run down to the nape of my neck, and I have to bite back a low sound of contentment at the pleasant sensation.  “Ah like it on you, sugah.”

Oh, that accent.  How I’ve missed it.

Every time she says my name, it seems to flow off her tongue, unlike the clipped way that Chuck and Erik say my name with their British hacks, and completely different from the plain way that I’ve ever heard it spoken by everyone else.

I look over at the Professor and both he and Magneto leave the two of us alone.

I look back at Marie.

She smiles.

“So…I heard you were in Japan,” she says, hooking her right arm through my left and I nod.

“Yeah.  I was.”

I don’t know what else to say.  Even though I cared for Mariko, now that I think back on my time with her it almost feels like a betrayal to Marie and I can’t seem to find the words to talk to her about it.  How do you tell the woman that means more to you than your own life that you…what?  How would I phrase it?

We continue to walk around the grounds, not saying anything.

After about ten minutes, she pulls me down to a bench and she presses her hand tighter around my bicep.

“Did you…find some peace of mind?”

I look down at her in shock, pulling back my arm slightly, and she pulls away, putting her hands in her lap and lets out a small sigh as she says, “I…I know that Doctor Grey’s death was hard for you.  You…you cared for her.”  I can almost hear her biting her tongue, as though she’s holding something back, and then she says, “Need to talk about it?”

I shake my head.

“No.  I’m fine with it, now.” She gives me a look, one eyebrow skeptically arched and I add, “Really, Marie.  I’m fine.  Jean was…unattainable.  Never mine.  And I did the only thing I could do to save her in the end.”

At that, she sneaks her hand into mine and I give it a gentle squeeze.  I stare at our hands for a moment, marveling at how well her fingers fit against mine.

I then ask, “So…your powers came back, huh?”

She nods.

“Yeah.  And stronger than ever, too.” This time I’m the one giving a look, and she quickly explains. “Now, even just an accidental brush with skin can knock someone out.  Found that out the hard way.  Lost a boyfriend in the process, as well as a whole lot of friends.”

She sits back up and fearlessly places her head on my shoulder.

“But not you.”

I let out a sigh and say, “Yeah, well, hard to lose a friend when they’re not around for you to lose…”

She shrugs.

“I don’t know about that.  You know, you’re the only one who’s never been scared of my skin…and that sets you apart from everyone else.” She pulls back and looks at me, her eyes serious.  “Thank you for that, Logan.”

I don’t know what to say at first, but then finally manage to reply with, “Well, you’ve never been afraid of _me_ , so…I guess we’re even, then.”

She lets out a small laugh, music to my ears, and puts her head back on my shoulder.  After a moment, she says, “It’s not something that you can be even with, but…thanks for trying.”  She slips her hand back into mine and adds, in a voice that no one else might hear, well below a whisper, but one that my keen ears can hear easily, “Ah’ve missed you, Logan…”

I smile against her hair.

“I’ve missed you, too, Marie…”

I can feel her smile, as well.

“You mean it?”

I nod.

“Yep.”

She lifts her head once more, but keeps her fingers locked with mine and looks me directly in the eye as she says, “So, we’re gonna be partners huh?”  I nod.  She smiles; a broad smile that I absolutely love and takes me back to when I returned the first time and she had practically run into my arms with that same look in her eyes.

“Lookin’ forward to it, sugah.”

I snort.

“You sure about that?”

She nudges my shoulder with hers, and says, “Oh c’mon, it won’t be _that_ bad.”

I smile again.

“No.  It really won’t, sweetheart,” I reply, and at my words an even broader smile crosses her lips and she says, “Ah like that.” 

My brow furrows. 

“Like what?”

She nudges my shoulder again and tightens her hand in mine and says, “That word.  ‘Sweetheart.’  It’s better than anything ah’ve been called in the past, _that’s_ for sure.”

I shrug and reply, “Well, I thought it was more appropriate than ‘kid’.”

She seems happy that I’ve said that, so we sit there for a while, just talking about stupid things.  The weather, hockey, the most recent students at Xavier’s new school…the fact that Magneto is on our side, along with a Mystique who has regained her powers.

And suddenly, as we stand up and head towards the mansion, our fingers still locked tight together, I realize that this is what I want.  What I’ve always wanted.  To be with her, like this.  I’ve never thought it could happen, but if we defeat Trask, if we make the difference, then it might.  We might have the chance.  She’s older than she was before, and I can tell that her feelings for me are still the same, only stronger and deeper than before.

If I’m lucky, she loves me as much as I love her.

And I can live with that.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

I’m carrying her in my arms, away from the attack.  I don’t look down to see her wounds; I know that they are bad.  Life threatening, even.  I can save her when we get back to the hidden safe house.

Bobby ices the door behind us; Magneto is standing in front of us.  It’s still hard to look at him and know that we’re on the same side.  He was right about the war.  Damn him.

I fall to my knees as gracefully as I can, and place Marie on the ground, finally looking down at her…and I cringe as I see all the blood.  I have seen much worse sights.  Hell, I was at Nagasaki when it was bombed and saw the warped skeletons left behind, but this is worse.  This is the woman I love.

I rip off a glove and place my hand on her face…but nothing happens.

“Lo…Logan,” she croaks out, and blood appears on her lips.  No.  No!  This can’t be happening.

“Marie, what’s wrong?  Why aren’t you…?  Why can’t you…?”

She coughs again and I cradle her head in my lap, and she finally manages to say, “Ah touched one of them, Logan.  One of the…the sentinels.”  Oh god, no.  “I took it down, but then…then it…it…”  She coughs up more blood, so I gently shush her, suddenly understanding what’s happened.

It took her ability from her for a while, using her own power against her when it absorbed it.

I hold her closer to me, ignoring the looks from Bobby and Magneto.

“You’ll be okay,” I whisper into her ear, trying to ignore the blood that is soaking through my uniform.  Her blood.

She just shakes her head and says, brokenly, “I…I don’t think so…not…not this time, sugah…”  She coughs again and my heart constricts.  “Knew it would happen some…someday.  After all…you, you were always gonna…outlive me…”

I shake my head.

“No, I was gonna grow old and die right beside you, sweetheart.  I swear it.”

She reaches up and touches my face with her hand, her brown eyes locking onto mine.  I suddenly hate my abilities because I can hear the beat of her heart and how it has stopped its’ staccato pounding, and now is slowing down with every extra second that passes.

“Logan, sugah…I love you…”

I feel a single hot tear run down my cheek.

“I love you, too, Marie.  I always will…”

I reach down and caress my fingers over her cheek, trying to ignore the blood on her lips and the slight gurgle of blood that I can hear in her lungs that she is drowning in…and it kills me to know that I can’t save her.  I can’t save her.

But I can do one thing that I haven’t been able to do before, and I will do it before she goes.

I lean down and press my lips to hers, and her lips respond to mine, returning the kiss for a brief second…and then I hear…nothing.

No gurgle in the lungs, no gasping breath…no heartbeat.

I fight back the urge to yell out my anger, to scream out in the primal way that is calling to me right now, that is telling me to go and avenge her death, because I know that she wouldn’t want me to.  She would want to me to get back up and continue fighting.  So I will.

I slowly stand, carrying her in my arms, and move her to the side, placing her back down on the floor, gently wiping the blood off of her lips.  As I brush a strand of white hair from her face, she looks almost as though she is sleeping…and it kills me to think that way.  I stand back up and I am surprised when Lensherr walks over and removes his cape and places it over her body, giving me a look that I don’t quite understand as he stands back up.

Bobby approaches me and places a hand on my shoulder, he, too, giving me a look that I don’t quite understand.

When we walk into the main room and Chuck tells me what needs to be done, and that I’m the only one that can do it.  I don’t hesitate.

It will save Marie, and that’s all that matters.

\--

The next thing I know, I am back in Westchester, New York.  And, for some reason, I remember everything.

I see Storm, still alive.  I see Jean still alive; Scott, too.  Never did I think that I would be so happy to see that smug, bastard of a man, but I suddenly find myself fighting back an urge to run over to him and hug the lights out of him, and I am almost tempted to do it anyway, just to see him squirm.

And then I hear a familiar voice down the hallway behind me.

I turn…

…and there she is.

Marie.

Alive.

My heart stops.

She is standing next to Bobby, still wearing her gloves, holding his hand.

I know my mouth is hanging open, but I don’t care.  All I can see is the woman that I love is alive.  She is alive.  _Alive!_   I am now fighting back the impulse to run over to her and take her in my arms and kiss her until she takes my very life from me, because all I can see is _her_.  Marie.  My Marie.

Jean walks by me and I barely even notice.

How could I have ever thought that _that_ woman could ever hold a candle to my southern belle?  To the woman who was sweetness and temptress all in one perfectly wrapped package?  How did I ever pull my eyes from the vibrant, very much _alive_ girl in front of me who is still wearing my dogtags around her neck?  I can see the chain disappear under the edge of her shirt and I know my tags are lying there nestled against her chest.

I changed everything.  Stryker didn’t happen.  But, according to the new memories that are appearing in my head, I still met Rogue at a smoky bar and picked her up in the middle of nowhere, Canada.

Realizing I can’t approach her like this, I go to Xavier’s office.

“Welcome back,” is all he says…and then he asks, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Oh, where to start.

\--

A little while later I find Marie, alone, outside.

“The professor said you wanted to talk to me,” she says, sitting on a bench much like one that we sat on before…or will sit on…or _never_ will sit on; something like that.  I sit down next to her and I give her a small smile and nod.

“Yeah.  Uh, something’s happened with me.  I can’t…well, I can’t actually explain it, but I…”

Suddenly I don’t know what to say.

To her, right now, I am just an old crush that still barely lingers as she tries her relationship with Bobby, and now all the things I want to say to her, I know that I can’t.  And it kills me.  So, I settle for reaching over and wrapping my hand around both of hers where she has them tightly clasped in her lap.

She looks up at me, her brow furrowed.

“Logan? Are you alright?”

I nod.

“Yeah.  I guess…I guess I just realized how much I missed you when I was gone.”  The professor filled me in while I was in his office, so I know that I have apparently only just returned after being gone for four months, so I figure this is the closest I can get to the truth about how I feel right at this moment.  God, how I’ve missed her.

She smiles.

“Ah missed you, too, Logan.”

I squeeze her hands for a brief second and then finally manage to say, “You’re lookin’ good, sweetheart,” and she blushes, ducking her head and I hear her mutter, “Ah like that.”

I arch an eyebrow.

“Like what?”

She lifts her eyes back up to mine and gives me a shy smile and says, “That word.  ‘Sweetheart.’  It’s better than anything ah’ve been called in the past, _that’s_ for sure.”

My heart stops in my chest as I hear her say the exact same words that she’d said to me once before…or will say…or _never_ will say.  I don’t know how to put it all together in my mind, but I know that this bodes well for any future I might have with her.  I carefully think of what to say next…and, thank my lucky stars, I remember _exactly_ how I responded the day that she had, would, never will say this to me before.

I shrug and reply, “Well, I thought it was more appropriate than ‘kid’.”

She seems happy that I’ve said that, so we sit there for a while, just talking about stupid things.  The weather, hockey, the most recent students at Xavier’s new school…anything but her new boyfriend, Bobby.

And suddenly, as we stand up and head towards the mansion, our fingers still locked tight together, I realize that it’s happening again.  But this time, without the battle ahead.  Well, Bobby is still there, so there still might be a battle to be fought, but I am certain that it is one that I can easily win.  And that it’s what I have always wanted.  To be with her, like I was, would be, never will be, all over again.  But this time, I _know_ that it can happen.

We have the chance.  She’s younger than she was before, but I can tell that her feelings for me are still the same, only not quite as strong or as deep as I remember.

But, if I’m lucky, she will love me as much as I could ever love her.

And I can live with that.

 

 

 


End file.
